"If You Don't Use A Calculator, You're a F****** Idiot" -A. Einstein

My hypothetical letter to ETS, the publishers of the GRE, as to why I should not have to do long division by hand:

ETS 18640 Suckville
RE: The GRE Math Section

To whom it may concern:

Mathematics is a soon-to-be obsolete area of study.

You see, mathematics (as well as chemistry, physics, and music—any ‘hard science’ as they say) is doomed to be limited by a finite combination of discrete variables. Ahem. Any problem that contains discrete variables can, theoretically, be solved by an algorithm. The very comfort that is derived from knowing something is a ‘hard science’ is coincidently undermined by the potential for every possible aspect to be solved and accounted for. For instance, mathematics (like the physical universe) is subject to rules; as a result there are certain patterns that surface that one can observe and in time predict. Given that “infinity” is really just a repeating base-10 system of relative measurement (e.g., 100 has the same basic properties as 10, which has the same properties of 10,000,000, etc.) therefore it can be postulated that eventually every problem will be able to be addressed and solved. Unlike a field such as biology where there is a fundamental goal of progress (i.e., evolution; survival of the fittest) these finite areas are destined to have a finish line, so to speak.

Let’s think of it in terms of music. There are eight notes, A through G (count half-steps if you’d like, but they still fall in the base-8 range). These notes can exist in different octaves, in different velocities, and in various timbres (e.g., violin, piano, sine waves). Because of these core restrictions, it can be understood that eventually every pattern of every sequence of musical notes will eventually been used.

Now, having said this, I must clarify that just because music, chemistry and mathematics are ‘terminal sciences’ does not mean that their study is not without merit; the study of mathematics maintains a long-held tradition that mathematics aught be studied. It is important to keep these terminal sciences alive, no matter how long they may drain the research-health-care-system. To pull the feeding tube on these venerable old areas of study would be to let go a 90-something year old man, who, although not really contributing much anymore, sure was entertaining in his prime.

So is it worth it to try and make these washed up old rocks squeeze ooooneeeee more drop of water? You tell me ETS, you tell me.

Sincerely,
BrainBrianBrain, Esq.