Being a man of science, I make a habit of noting patterns and systems, and trying to quantify the world around me. Such patterns are all around us at work, at home or even…on the farm. The coolness of farm animals has long been determined by:
- How deadly an animal is (i.e., the very popular McClintock Family Viper Farm and Petting Zoo)
- Whether or not it can be ridden (e.g., turkey= not rideable= not cool)
- How awesome the animal in question looks
It is a long accepted fact that having horns instantly ups an animal’s cool points, but by exactly how much has never been determined. That is, until now...
Aggregate data on horned animals has recently become available due to a privacy loophole in the Patriot Act that expired in 2009, and for the last year, scientists have been assessing the relationship of horns to coolness to how freakin weird something is. The following atricle was taken from the July issue of The Journal of the International Society of Journalistic Societies (JoISJS) and is titled: Horn quantity and objective levels of social desirability and integrated functioning: Why me so horny?
"Recent data pools have provided researchers with a never before seen glimpse in
the nature and functionality of horns. Scientists put 17 Japanese school
children in a room with pictures of the following horned objects (ranked
according to number of horns):
- Zero horns- Horse
- One horn- Unicorn
- Two horns- Bull (Duocorn)
- Three horns- Triceratops
- Four horns- Ram
- Five horns- Beetles
Eight horns- Eight African American gentlemen who comprise a jazz octet- Twelve horns- Dodecacorn (Dodecacorn)
The following are the findings:
There appears to be a consistent favoring of 1-3 horns, which dips
down for 4, 5, and 8 horned subjects, but rises again for 12 horns. More
research must be done before conclusions can be made, but the authors suggest
that someone build a dodecacorn, with like, knives for legs, cause that’d be
freakin sweet." (copyright JoISJS, 2010 ; 198:42-57)
No comments:
Post a Comment