Evolution at its Finest

As with any Fortune 5 company, I'm interested in sustainable market-share growth for my blog. A few posts back I remarked on my growing international presence. Well, not being a terrorist made me realize that that doesn't matter; the only visitors I want to my blog are wholesome red-blooded Americans (and possibly some green-blooded Canadians). I did a quick web search on how to increase web traffic, and found...nothing. Here's what was recommended, and why everything is irrelevant to me.


1. Write Well and Write Often
Check aaaand mostly check.

2. Submit Your Blog to Search Engines
I'm already on Lycos, HotBot, AOL Online (Keyword: NASDQ), and Lithuanian Google.

3. Use and Update Your Blogroll
I don't know what this is, but it sounds like a Ponzi scheme.

4. Harness the Power of Comments
Been trying to, but for some reason my mana staves won't recharge.

5. Syndicate Your Blog's Content with an RSS Feed
I refuse to have my literary and journalistic superiority aggregated with the common riffraff like CNN.

6. Use Links and Trackbacks
Way ahead of you.

7. Tag Your Posts
My post labels are both relevant and pants shittingly funny.

8. Submit Your Posts to Social Bookmarking Sites
If these are anything like Social Quiltmaking Sites-- count me out. I learned my lesson.

9. Remember Search Engine Optimization
Got it.

10. Don't Forget Images

This is a tiny lizard.