Sen. and Lady Earl Grey and Father Sanchez E. McPacelli

Taking a page from the moldy tomes of The Inkhorn, I’ve been doing some ‘political thinking’ (if there even is such a thing). There seems to be a lot of support among idiots and lesser-idiots alike about a few Tea Party candidates in the upcoming election (Sidenote: The ‘Tea Party’ as a political affiliation doesn’t make sense. It should be the ‘Tea Party Party’. Someone in a ‘Tea Party’ would logically support tea and/or tea-tree rights).

But anyways, the basic jist of these tea baggers is that they want to push their libertarian values under the guise of literal Constitutional interpretation; opposing any fundamental changes/ progress to the Constitution. While sitting under a bodhi tree, I realized that the Tea Party bears striking resemblance to the Catholic Church. How so? Glad you asked.

1. They are both are afraid of changing (cause they’ve built their life around you, Stevie)
2. Both resist any and all changes to their original scripture (except when convenient)
3. They follow an inches-from-death patriarch, to which they pledge their blind devotion (i.e., The Pope; Ron Paul)
4. Followers of both maintain an unfounded sense of propriety and pseudo-righteousness
5. Their ranks are consistently filled with the smartest most best smart people in the entire whole universe.

Unfortunately, like Catholicism, the Tea Party is getting converts in the form of disillusioned and easily swayed individuals looking for some sort of stability, and we’re likely going to see a few neglected officials from their camp. FORTUNATELY, like Catholicism, the extreme-resistence to change makes the Tea Party doomed to eventually get left behind and fail. All we can hope for now is for both of these entities to just coast on to the finish line…