At Least It's Not 'Hitler-Os'

Supplement to My Tweet from Earlier Today

Trying to find other evidence of the militarization of the breakfast world, I stumbled across these short-lived cereals from the 1970s. Two were mass produced; the third... not so much.

Glaucoma Must Be Rampant

Today is April 20^th. Better known as 420. Best known as an excuse for people who already smoke pot regularly, to smoke it more. Aside from bringing shares of Frito-Lay into the black, today is remarkable [Note: Literal use of the word here. Nothing special about today; just something to remark on. Ass clown.] in that it brings the marijuana legalization debate to the surface, and stirs the ever-ironic ‘pot activist’.

Armed with more off-brand medical studies and anecdotal claims than a Creationist convention, the “Legalize it” crowd is a delightful amalgamation of Grateful Dead fans who can’t let go, 20-somethings who have a Bob Marley poster in their dorm room, and your run-of-the-mill-still-live-at-home-chill-dude stoner. Like other protesters, they technically have a cause. Unlike other protesters, it’s allowing a plant to grow so they can smoke it and get high. I mean, I’m sure there’s a great deal of solidarity between these folk and say, a Syrian protester in the city of Homs, under constant threat of death. Fight the power, right? Any way to you slice it (or roll it!!! LOL) it’s about as selfish a cause as causes get. But don’t tell them that; it’ll only bring up a well-rehearsed monolog, usually featuring various arrangements of buzz words (e.g., “cannabinoids”, “medicinal use”, “Canada”) and most likely, the smell of a dirty hippie.

I'm Thinking of Getting a Subscription

A Vague Reference To the Post's Theme...

I’ve been blogging long enough that I feel I should let my loyal reader see up my blog’s metaphorical skirt, and get a glimpse of how the magic happens.

First, I use a categorically pessimistic outlook on life to find some topic that is slightly unfavorable to me. I take said topic, and attack it from an extreme (and often silly!) position; usually expressing a fanatical religious or social overtone.

I go on to ask a series of rhetorical questions (which—let me tell you, are total softballs) which I answer in statements made only to further my otherwise-indefensible viewpoint. I try to work in a topical reference, or allude to some nominal current event, but I like to stay as far away from quote ‘facts’ un-quote as I can.

Somewhere in the post, I usually provide the reader with a series of examples to support my point. Usually three; the first two being somewhat reasonable, albeit slightly off, and then I like to make the third example an absurd contrast. The trick is to maintain a dead-pan writing style, so as to never break the illusion of being a cynical asshole.

Occasionally I’ll add a chart or picture I drew in MS Paint, or I’ll post some picture (usually whatever was the top hit from a casual Google Image search). Other times I’ll create a fake transcript or new story, ascribing it to an outside source. I almost always get bored or stop caring toward the end of a post, and usually run out of steam, resulting in a half-assed and abrupt ending.