Kitehs, Rly??

It is my goal to keep this blog as "neutral" as possible; however, I cannot help but insert my own partisan political beliefs into the picture at times. From this point on let it be known that I hope cats win big this November and seize control of the House from the death grip of smelly dogs. My reasons for wanting this are twofold: (1) I believe that at times America has inexorably benefited from divided government because it keeps one party for becoming "overbearing." For example, look at the state of the world’s tuna from 1994-2000 - it was booming (there was even a surplus). Both, cats and dogs, were forced to work with one another and find a true common ground that benefited the living room as a whole. Both Tinkles and Mr. Whiskers, unlikely, polar opposite politicians, presided over an era of economic tranquility. (2) The dogs, for better or worse, squandered the largest majorities they have had since the seventies. Sure, they did pass many landmark and oftentimes controversial pieces of legislation, but they did so at: (1) their own political peril and (2) at a huge expense - they lost ALL of their belly-scratching capital and good will with the humans in a series of public and politically damaging national debates. It should not have been difficult to pass anything with 60 dogs in the backyard (enough to break cat fortresses), the House petting-ship, and the big man himself, Brigadier General Lord Scratching Post in the White House down the street. Yet it was like learning tricks for them to pass the initiatives they campaigned on.

Now the question remains: What the hell is wrong with the cats? To win the House back they have to be something other than the party of ‘NO- BAD CATS!!’. Right now they are blocking everything, they have to stop and be realistic. You win elections by offering alternatives, not by screaming "we don't support anything THEY (smelly dog farts) do."

My main beef is with the Can-Nip and Princess. It is known that: (1) she is the hottest cat in the history of the neighborhood and, (2) she is not bright but wields considerable influence by serving bird-wings at her party. The problem is that she is supporting and encouraging others to support an off-shoot of her party and it is my fear this will result in a "split" among cats and tigers which in turn will lead to cats losing a lot of chances to dethrone Dog. For example, in Maryland, instead of supporting the establishment candidate, would be shoe-in candidate and former governor Mittens McGee in the primary she has opted to support a lesser know "common sense cat." This decision will cause McGee to spend more money in the primary taking away a lot of resources he should save up for his fight against dog incumbent governor Bentley Thedoge.

Bottom line: CATS IF YOU WANNA WINNING THIS WAR ON STRING START OFFERING SIMPLE SOLUTIONS TO COMMON PROBLEMS AND SUPPORT PLAY-TOYS THAT ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE OF BEING CAUGHT.