If You Enjoyed That Video...

I really don’t like YouTube. It’s got to be one of the most overrated, disorganized and inefficient forums within the social-media-industrial-complex (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Blogger, CatF*cker.com). I mean, even Twitter allows you to filter out the gallons and gallons of liquid horse shit out there (though if you ever want to dip a toe, just click some of the trending hashtags). But try as I might, every time I search for something on YouTube, all I get is a fat, sweaty orgy full of things I really don’t want to see. Much like an actual fat, sweaty orgy.

I just don’t understand how a company owned by Google (the world’s #1 search engine) can be so obtuse and difficult to navigate. Even porn sites have better search filters. There needs to be a series of advanced search options like Don’t Show Me Videos of Jackasses Talking to Their Webcams or Filter Out All Videos Over 3 Minutes, but less than 20 Minutes Because Those Don’t Belong on YouTube, Goddamnit. Also, music videos: literally no one, in all of existence, wants to see a teenage hipster play an acoustic cover of any song. Ever.  

YouTube may be a catylyst of free speech, but when that speech involves everything and everyone is simultaneously screaming “Hey- look at me!,” I think I’d prefer silence.

A Vague Reference To the Post's Theme...

I’ve been blogging long enough that I feel I should let my loyal reader see up my blog’s metaphorical skirt, and get a glimpse of how the magic happens.

First, I use a categorically pessimistic outlook on life to find some topic that is slightly unfavorable to me. I take said topic, and attack it from an extreme (and often silly!) position; usually expressing a fanatical religious or social overtone.

I go on to ask a series of rhetorical questions (which—let me tell you, are total softballs) which I answer in statements made only to further my otherwise-indefensible viewpoint. I try to work in a topical reference, or allude to some nominal current event, but I like to stay as far away from quote ‘facts’ un-quote as I can.

Somewhere in the post, I usually provide the reader with a series of examples to support my point. Usually three; the first two being somewhat reasonable, albeit slightly off, and then I like to make the third example an absurd contrast. The trick is to maintain a dead-pan writing style, so as to never break the illusion of being a cynical asshole.

Occasionally I’ll add a chart or picture I drew in MS Paint, or I’ll post some picture (usually whatever was the top hit from a casual Google Image search). Other times I’ll create a fake transcript or new story, ascribing it to an outside source. I almost always get bored or stop caring toward the end of a post, and usually run out of steam, resulting in a half-assed and abrupt ending.