If You Enjoyed That Video...

I really don’t like YouTube. It’s got to be one of the most overrated, disorganized and inefficient forums within the social-media-industrial-complex (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Blogger, CatF*cker.com). I mean, even Twitter allows you to filter out the gallons and gallons of liquid horse shit out there (though if you ever want to dip a toe, just click some of the trending hashtags). But try as I might, every time I search for something on YouTube, all I get is a fat, sweaty orgy full of things I really don’t want to see. Much like an actual fat, sweaty orgy.

I just don’t understand how a company owned by Google (the world’s #1 search engine) can be so obtuse and difficult to navigate. Even porn sites have better search filters. There needs to be a series of advanced search options like Don’t Show Me Videos of Jackasses Talking to Their Webcams or Filter Out All Videos Over 3 Minutes, but less than 20 Minutes Because Those Don’t Belong on YouTube, Goddamnit. Also, music videos: literally no one, in all of existence, wants to see a teenage hipster play an acoustic cover of any song. Ever.  

YouTube may be a catylyst of free speech, but when that speech involves everything and everyone is simultaneously screaming “Hey- look at me!,” I think I’d prefer silence.

[Insert Some Kind of Chicken and Egg Joke Involving Twitter]

I signed up for Twitter (@MaxxxKok). I'm having a hard time adjusting to the 140 character limit they impose on my "tweets". First of all, it encourages people not to use proper punctuation and grammar (since the first casualties of syntax-space are apostrophes) which in turn propagates overall devolution of the English language (which, for the record, does not need further advancement). Next, this place is worse than MySpace in terms of fake porn stars and ‘hot chicks’ that try to latch onto you; and the privacy settings are basically all or nothing (a suggestion, include a “NO PAINFULLY-OBVIOUS FAKE SLUTS” option)

I’ve heard Twitter called the ‘voice of the people’ and how it facilitated the Arab Spring hijinks and whatnot, but I’m seeing that little blue bird for what it really is: an oppressive avian tyrant, hell-bent on turning the world into poorly-versed simpletons who are controlled by a propaganda-weaving tribunal of fabricated soft-core starlets.