The DJ Rev Dr. Alfonzo Buttsmakkah

As many of you- well, as Mike and Olivia know, I have a deep resentment for people who describe their music taste as “whatever’s on the radio” or “whatever I can dance to” (basically using the noun ‘whatever’ is a no-no*) . Furthermore, I have resentment for people who feel compelled to always listen to music. You know the type; always has the radio on or an iPod in- regardless of what they’re doing. And the thing that chafes my ass is that 10 times out of 9, that people would describe themselves as a ‘music lover.’

No.

You can say that you have a need for constant aural stimuli, or that your own insecurities require intense, thought-suppressing sonic overload. But you don’t love music. You are a compulsive overeater – not a gourmet. You are a nymphomaniac – not a sensual love-maker. You are a daily blogger – not a literary master**. You are the bargain brand toilet paper that needs twice as much to absorb – not Charmin © Quilted Ass Blankets™.

Granted I’m portraying myself as a music snob (which is true) but as long as you demonstrate some form of discerning taste, I don’t care what you listen to***. Just don’t be a dick in the mud about it. As The DJ Rev Dr. Alfonzo Buttsmakkah once said, “Refine yourself before ye untwine thyself.”





* “Whatever and Ever, Amen” by Ben Folds Five is a notable exception. I don’t really like the album, but that’s for different reasons.

**I am both.

***Anything on CMT and/or BET is objectively horrible.