That, or, it could be Mono

Yesterday NPR did a piece on a couple who wrote a book on rabies (Lyssavirus rabies) and they brought up some interesting points. In a true Jungian fashion, the authors ascribed the most salient horror archetypes (i.e., vampires, werewolves, zombies) as all being based on some kind of animalistic behavior being transmitted through a bite, a la rabies. And they’re right. The connection between zombies and rabies is a little less subtle, but both vampires and werewolves are bite based; bats are notorious harbingers of rabies, and wolves are also known for being rabid (see 'Old Yeller'). Now the next time you watch Twilight you don’t have to choose between Edward and Jacob; they’re both Team Rabies!

No Sleepovers for Barry and Joey

Huh. Just found out the Vice President doesn’t live at the White House. I mean, I knew that, but I didn’t KNOW that; it’s one of those things that you acknowledge but don’t really think about. Like the inevitable destruction of Earth and all life inside the asteroid belt when the sun becomes a red giant in a few billion years. Happy Thursday.

Apparently the IOC is Very Protective of its Symbols and Intellectual Property

Luckily the transformativeness of this work is substantial enough to excuse me from any liability. Because everyone knows that a week before the Olympics, the IOC has nothing better to do than troll obscure blogs looking for potential copyright violations.

Color-Blind Taste Test

I love things whose color is also their flavor. It just simplifies the whole process of food selection. Well... candy selection. I don't know too many well-balanced meals that fall into this category. And I'm not talking about stuff that looks different, but tastes the same (e.g., M&Ms [Note: M&Ms do not have flavors, Liv]) or things that have specific flavors (e.g., a lemon Starburst).

These are foods that, when presented with a choice, the selection-response is given in the form of a color, not a flavor. Regardless of whether or not there is an intended flavor—the classification is purely chromatic. I suppose it's the confectionery equivalent of racial stereotyping.

Not exactly what I was talking about, but look-- I made a soda name/color rainbow!

Destructive Criticism

Art had it coming.

Snake Was a Pretty Awesome Game

I don’t understand people who like chatting on the phone. My own anti-social tendencies aside, talking on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do, regardless of who I’m talking to. As you both know, I’m much more likely to reply to an email or text than ever pick up my phone. Now, don’t get me wrong—there are times when calling is both useful and efficient. If I have something to say that would either be tedious and long to type out, I’ll gladly use the telephone. I have no problem with telephone calls under, say, 10 minutes; any issue you can’t resolve, or thought you can’t convey in under 10 minutes probably should be done over the phone anyway. Really, anything longer than that time period changes from conveying information to narrating your mundane life in real-time.

Example: People who stay on their phones when they’re ordering food. Not only are you making a statement to the food service employee that they’re not important enough for your full attention, but you’re also making whoever you’re talking to suffer through your order at Chipotle. Personally, I’d say “Call me back after you’re done, asshole” but then again, I’m sure like begets like, and the person at the other end of that line is two streets over, at a 5 Guys.

Maybe I’m just a considerate, efficient, thoughtful, handsome outlier, but I don’t see how talking for hours is justifiable. You know who I blame? Goddamn phone companies. Remember when “Minutes” and “Talk Time” meant anything to anyone? Those were the days; People called, you talked, you disconnected; and if you hung up and the timer read “0:59” you did a little happy dance. Oh what I wouldn’t give for my old Nokia 5190. It had a lightning bolt faceplate, and like 200 minutes. A year.

Ride your Dike To Work Day!

I hereby declare this first annual Greco-Roman Prefix Swap Day. For you at home, here's a chart so you can play along.

You and your family will have a blast taking these two archaic, failed languages and giving them the 'ole switcheroo! Hey thousands of years of progress-- guess who just became a linguistic novelty?!

Tell your friends to ride their dicycle (but not to overexert their tetrariceps), cause this event will be talked about for 10 years, or as we like to say, a decide! Even the Department of Defense will be celebrating at their headquarters, the Quintagon! But you should hurry; this day won't happen again until Heptember 2013! Dinosaurs! Terceratops! Octapuses! Marvin Gaye's Hexual Healing!

*BREAKING NEWS*

GENEVA (AP) -- CERN Scientists at the LHC have announced the first definitive visual evidence of the Higgs boson, or the so-called "God Particle" today. First reports have yet to be confirmed, but the agency posted this image on its webpage:

The physics community is sure to be abuzz with this ground-breaking discovery.

Amelia Earhart: A Great American Heroin

First of all, the woman’s name was Earhart. In the English language, we pronounce things as they are written, in this case, ear•hart; not air•hart, or ehir•hart, or any retro-application of feminist-induced mispronunciation. Anyway, Big Ears McGee crashed and died 75 years ago this week. Despite being championed as a female pioneer of flight, Earwax’s actual accomplishments have been more than distorted throughout history.

Conspiracy theories around her disappearance are most likely conspiracies (Conspiracy-Conspiracy Theories) to cover up the fact that she was an inexperienced gimmick riding high atop the coat-tails of the suffragette movement, and ultimately died due to poor planning and tepid execution of a trans-global flight. Most experts agree that she picked a way point that far exceeded her fuel capacity, and then tried to land on a shallow reef (Note: nowhere near the Bermuda triangle) and died.

Now you may be thinking that this is an assault on females in general, but really it’s an assault on idiots. For example, why is Armstrong Earwig put on postage stamps for being impulsive and unrealistic, when other female aviators (I refuse to use the term “aviatrix”) have barely ever seen the light of day? Raymonde de Laroche, Sabiha Gökçen, Beverly Burns – any of these ringing a bell? Didn’t think so. Even though these women put time and effort into fostering a sustainable flight career, we’d much rather hear about a tart who tried to land on a piece of coral. It’s what I like to call “James Dean and/or Kurt Cobain Syndrome” where people become famous for no reason other than the fact they died before everyone realized they were hacks. Of course they were “cut down in their prime” (Have you ever seen a James Dean movie? They’re like shit covered turds with a sprinkling of feces) so it’s anyone’s speculation as to how much potential for greatness they had. The truth is, had they survived another ten years they’d be as washed up as the wreckage of Earfart Stinkelton’s Lockheed Electra 10E.