Lance Armstrong, born Lester Ennis Rabinowicz-Cockburn, has finally admitted to long-standing charges of name-doping with the intent of personal enhancement.
Recently exhumed documents, including daycare records and birth certificates, show that Rabinowicz-Cockburn was born into a to Polish-Scottish household in September 1972 and maintained his birth name until the age of ten; at this point he began experimenting with several names, including “Pistol McBullets” and “Snake Plissken” (the name of Kurt Russell’s character in the 1981 movie Escape from New York)
Sports commentators have previously pointed out that Lance Armstrong is indeed, a dope ass name; however, records show allegations of name-doping that date as far back as 1996.
Rabinowicz-Cockburn now faces questions of performance integrity, and several sponsors have already pulled their endorsements.
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